Random Thoughts #15

Its been over a month since the last post. All sorts of interesting things have happened during that time, so let's get right to it.

- A few weeks ago the twins started daycare. Right on cue, they both came down with colds. Since that time, they have been human snot machines.

- Along with the snot faucets, they have both had coughs for a few weeks. This by itself is not so bad, but they have had a tendency to cough as they're being burped, which has greatly increased the frequency of projectile vomiting in the Smith house. Last week, they both managed to deposit the entire contents of their stomachs (surprisingly large) on me within an hour of each other.

- Speaking of throwing up, I took the babies to their first basketball game on Friday. Beforehand, we stopped at Pizza Ranch, where Grandma fed Miss Avery mashed potatoes...and gravy...and pudding...and cheese bread. During the game, Avery was fussing like she was hungry, so I fed her a bottle. Guess what happened! She managed to soak herself, me, and had enough left over for a nice-sized puddle on the bleachers. I had no idea such a little body could hold so much stuff.

- Continuing on the gross/funny/snot theme, the other morning I was feeding Grayson, and I felt I had a loose booger halfway out of my nose. While continuing to feed him, I attempted to blow the booger out into my hand. I felt it leave my nose, but when I looked in my hand, there was nothing, not even a trace. I checked my shirt, my face, my arms, and the booger in question was nowhere to be found. A few minutes later, as I was changing Grayson, I noticed a dark spot above his left eye. Turns out the booger didn't disappear after all.

- Both twins have discovered a game that they absolutely love. It's called "Find something filled with stuff, and pull all the stuff out and chew on it." Toy box, diaper bag, clothes basket, wipe holder...all fair game.

- Black Friday found me home with two sick babies. Grayson and I were upstairs, and I had just made him a bottle. I had him in my left arm, and the bottle in my right hand. Avery was SCREAMING downstairs, so I was hurrying to get down their. In my rush I must have forgotten about those pesky stairs. I missed the first one, and since I had nothing to catch myself with, proceeded down the stairs on my butt, bouncing on each and every one. Neither the baby or the bottle were harmed.

- We have toys everywhere in our house. Toys of every size, shape, color, and type imaginable. All of those choices, and their favorite thing to play with, without a doubt, is a car seat. I swear it's like the world's funnest carnival ride to them.

- Evidently, large amounts of Pedialyte in a baby's diet can have some unusual side effects. Namely, it turns their poop blue and gives it a metallic hue. It honestly looked like Avery had pooped a chunk of blue Play-do covered with glitter.

Random Thoughts #14

- We had our first professional family pictures recently. As you can see, both twins were really impressed by the whole ordeal.

- Miss Avery is now crawling everywhere. Within two days of crawling, she had already tried, and nearly succeeded, in climbing the stairs. I think our lives are about to get a whole lot more interesting.

- Grayson has no interest whatsoever in crawling. I can't say I blame him. If I could get someone to pick me up and carry me everywhere, I'd pretend like I couldn't crawl, too.

- Grayson's favorite activity is jumping in his jumper. The other day he was bouncing and Avery crawled over to explore. Turns out Grayson isn't really concerned with what's underneath him when he jumps, as Avery received three sharp thumps on the head from the bouncer.

- She has also managed to crawl under/get thumped by the following items: the Exersaucer, the swing, the basement wall, the recliner, and my foot.

- Speaking of recliners, we now have to check for babies and dogs before we close them. The other day Tracy closed the couch recliner while Bailey was under it, and Avery seems determined to crawl all the way under the chair while someone is sitting in it.

- We have started taking baths in the regular tub. The first time Avery was in there, she immediately tried to take a drink of bath water. Her technique, while effective, could use a little work. Her "drink" involved a headlong dive, mouth wide open, into the water. After she finished couching and sputtering, she spent her remaining bath time trying to eat soap suds.

- We have been experimenting with a wide variety of solid foods. Words cannot describe some of the diapers that have appeared as a result.

- Along with eating solid food, they also seem determined to eat the plant we have downstairs. They have both ripped off chunks of leaf and put them in their mouths. I'm just hoping it's not poisonous. Avery has also seen fit to chew/suck on the following: remote, cell phone, knobs on the TV stand, computer cords, and my nose.

- Tracy bought little boots for the twins last week. This was significant for two reasons. First, Avery is absolutely TERRIFIED of her sparkly pink boots. She screams whenever they are in sight. Second, Grayson's "boy boots" were actually gray boots with fur around the top and black jewels all over them. Turns our Gordman's didn't have any boys boots, so Tracy thought these would be an acceptable alternative. I do not agree with this.

Random Thoughts #13

- I have nicknamed Grayson "The Hulk" when he gets tired. Without warning, he turns into a screaming, thrashing beast, who grabs anything in sight and tries to smash it or pinch it to death.

- When Avery gets tired, she is like a zombie with her legs shot off. She drags herself around the room moaning and chewing on anything she can get her hands on.

- My entire daily schedule has basically shifted backwards about 2 hours. I wake up around 4:45, and if anything after 9:00 is now considered "late at night." If you would have told me this 10 years ago, 21 year old me would have laughed and thought you were crazy.

- There is nothing worse than hearing a loud thump come from the room where the babies are. The other day, I put Grayson on the bed downstairs thinking he was asleep. About five minutes later, I heard a loud thump, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream and crying. He had fallen off of the bed, but luckily just got the wind knocked out of him. Boy, did I feel like a jackass.

- Their poop has gotten so stinky that if they aren't changed immediately after the deed, their onesies and sleepers/pants smell so bad they need to be changed as well. It also sticks like glue to any exposed surfaces, including skin. I have to be very careful where I place the dirty diaper while cleaning them, because they just love to stomp their feet while I do it. I'll leave it to you to paint a mental picture of what happens when they hit the diaper.

- As I mentioned before, Avery loves to chew on anything she happens to come across. Several times I have caught her chewing on Bailey's rawhide bones.

- I have a sneaking suspicion Grayson learned to use my iPad when I wasn't looking. I was playing Candy Crush with him in my lap, and he started mashing buttons on the keyboard. He managed to start a slide show of my camera roll, and then about five seconds later, he mashed some more buttons and it went right back to Candy Crush. I tried for a couple minutes and I couldn't replicate his feat.

- Tracy and I had a date on Friday. Our agenda: dinner out and a trip to target for diapers and baby food.

Random Thoughts #12

- Several weeks ago, Avery discovered that if she purses her lips and blows, it makes a funny noise and shoots slobber everywhere, which she enjoys immensely.

- The other day, I was feeding her, and she decided to do her blowing trick, only she did it with a mouthful of sweet potatoes. She managed to get most of the mouthful on me and the surrounding area. Being the mature adult that I am, I took the next spoonful and launched it at her. You can see the results at the left.

- Grayson managed to push himself up into referee's position this week. I could not have been more proud. He did, however, seem quite confused when I started wrestling with him. We'll have to work on that part.

- Both babies love it when I sing to them, and they enjoy my rapping even more. There is a distinct possibility that their first words could be a Snoop Dogg lyric. I can't wait.

- We are getting closer and closer to crawling babies. Even without crawling, both have their own ways of getting somewhere. Grayson has mastered the backwards push. He moves well, but it's usually in exactly the opposite direction he is trying to move. Avery has better accuracy, but she resembles someone trying to put out a clothing fire...rolls, stomps, screaming, etc.

- Baby wrangling can be tiring work, but I can't even begin to describe how good it feels to have two babies fall asleep in your arms. It makes all the screaming, spitting, kicking, and pinching (thanks, Grayson) all worth it.

- Yes, I am actually sleeping in the picture as well. Parenting twins has led to some very interesting body positions during naps.

- Did I mention it's tiring? I actually just fell asleep while typing. I think that's my sign to go to bed.

Random Thoughts #11

- I am fairly proficient at algebra, geometry, and statistics, yet children's clothing sizes beyond 9-12 months baffle me. I bought some clothes for the twins, and the good news is that they'll fit...in the summer of 2014.

- Avery treats eating solid food like a baseball team treats a pennant celebration, only instead of champagne, it sweet potatoes flying all over the room. 

- If given the chance, Avery will launch herself headfirst towards daylight anytime she's not held/strapped down. She's already managed to climb/tumble out of her bouncer (several times), her Bumbo seat, and my arms. Luckily she's landed unharmed each time. I think she may be a handful once she's mobile. 

- The twins attended their first football game last week. I think I may have seen 10% of the game, and that's a generous estimate. 

- It's getting hard to tell the difference between Grayson's farts and my own. 

- We are in the midst of a slobber epidemic. If left unchecked, this epidemic is capable of soaking an entire set on infant clothes by noon. It has also been known to spread to parents' clothing, often without their knowledge. Bibs seem to slow down the flow, but a cure is not in the foreseeable future. 

- The introduction of solid food into their diets has done some interesting things to their poopy diapers. It's like Let's Make a Deal, only instead of varying prizes behind each door, it's poop. Smelly, colorful poop.

Random Thoughts #10

- I have made two attempts at clipping my children's fingernails. The first ended in uncontrollable screaming (hers, not mine) after one nail. The second ended with blood and some missing skin on Grayson's left thumb. Never again.

- The other night, just to remind everyone who is really in charge, Avery woke up at 11:30, 12:15, 1:30, and 4:00. I really need to stop telling everyone she sleeps through the night. She has ways of finding things out and making me pay.

- Grayson has some sharp little fingernails, and he is not even the least bit choosy about what he sinks them into. He has made me yelp several times. I had to stifle the urge to pinch him back.

- Sometimes, as a parent, all you want in the entire world is for your child(ren) to take a nap. The more you wish for it, the harder it is to get them to sleep. You wrap them up, they cry. You walk them around, they cry harder. You rock them, they scream. Finally, after thirty minutes of grinding your teeth and stifling curse words, they fall asleep in your arms. With the utmost care, you place them gently in their bed, and...the devious little turds pop awake and smile at you, like the whole thing was a big joke.

- In the dark while mostly asleep, I can get out of bed, walk to the nursery, put a pacifier in a baby's mouth, proceed downstairs and make a bottle, and feed said baby, all without stumbling or making a peep. In broad daylight, while wide awake, I have been known to misjudge the number of steps in my own home and fall both up and down the stairs.

- The twins' saliva is like a cross between silicon caulk, spiderwebs, spit, and bubble gum. It's sticky, stretchy, and liquid all at the same time.

- Our babies have discovered methods of communication beyond laughing and crying. Grayson has sort of a high-pitched scream, although I'm not sure that description can do it justice. It's like a horror movie scream, only it has a pitch just below dog-whistle level. It literally hurts my ears sometimes. Avery's scream could be likened to that of a pterodactyl. Not quite as high pitched as her brothers, but just as spine-chilling at full volume.

- WHY IN THE NAME OF EVERYTHING HOLY DO YOU KEEP PULLING THAT PACIFIER OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!?!?!?!? Just leave it in there. It'll make us both happier in the long run, I promise.

Random Thoughts #9

- The looks in this picture are what I like to call "poopy diaper smiles." Not every one of these smiles comes with a poopy diaper, but every poopy diaper comes with one of these smiles.

- Sometimes getting Avery to eat is like getting a very old vehicle to start. There are about five things you have to do in order to get it going. Also, once they are going, you don't want to stop either one until you get where you want to go, or else they might not start again.

- Both of the babies started sleeping through the night at around two months. They would go to bed around 10:00 or 10:30, and they would wake up around 6:30. This made me very happy. About two weeks ago, just for a goof, they decided to stop this nonsense. Bedtime has been pushed back to around 11:30, and they wake up around 4:30 or 5:00. Once again, I feel they are plotting to steal my sanity.

- Avery's new hypoallergenic formula smells like an old barn. I can only assume it tastes like one as well.

- We are now in the rolling over phase of movement. We now have hungry cries, tired cries, pain cries, and "I rolled over and got stuck on my stomach" cries. These cries are usually preceded by a wide variety of grunts and/or screams.

- It never fails, it I fill up a bottle with 6 oz., Avery will eat 4. If I fill it up with 4 oz., she's still starving when she's finished.

- Holding a baby over your head after they've eaten is not a great idea. I happened to be doing this to Grayson the other day, and he spit up. Only my cat-like reflexes saved me from catching it full in the mouth.

- You would think not doing things like this would be common sense. It just goes to show you that if given the chance, your child will always find a way to make you look or feel like an idiot.