Random Thoughts #19

Back with another blog, this time after a much shorter turnaround. I've finally gotten back into the habit of writing things down as soon as they happen. If I don't, they get jumbled around in my head or lost altogether. Kids (and especially twins, I think) make your brain work in peculiar ways. Anyway, on to the good stuff.

- Grayson has a peculiar reaction when he gets overly excited. He clenches his fists, tenses his whole body, and sort of leans forward with his mouth open. We refer to these episodes as "excitement seizures." It's like he gets so excited that his body just shuts down and can't do anything but tense up.

- Living with two year olds means there is never a shortage of interesting conversations. Submitted without comment (these are separate conversations):
   
     Grayson (while sitting on the potty chair): "What's that?"
     Me: "That's your penis."
     Grayson: "Oh, I don't want that to fall off."
     Me: "You're absolutely right."
     Grayson: "You have one, too."
     Me: "Yup, sure do."
     Grayson: "You don't want that to fall off either."
     Me: "........."


     Avery (holding her doll, Amy): "Where's Amy?"
     Me: "You're holding her."
     Avery: "Oh. What are you doing?"
     Me: "I'm cooking supper."
     Avery: "Oh. Where's Amy?
     Me: "She's right there, in your hand."
     Avery: "Oh. What are you doing?"
     Me: "Cooking."
     Avery: "Oh. Where's Amy?"
     Me: "...incoherent mumbling..."

- We were eating supper the other night, and Grayson started smearing soup all over his face with his spoon. Grandma Jody asked him why he was doing that. His response: "Because my ears don't work."

- Grayson can go from playing quietly ans sharing with his sister to trashing the basement like Godzilla through Tokyo in a matter of seconds. It's like he temporarily loses his mind. The Y chromosome is a fickle beast.

- I remember back to before I had children, and I remember going to visit friends who had kids. I remember seeing their yards strewn with toys and thinking that they must either be lazy or just not care what their yards looked like. Boy was I a fool. On a good day, my yard looks like a used-toy junkyard, and on a bad day, it looks like a toy eating giant barfed all over the yard.

- There is a direct correlation between how much Grayson likes a toy and how much havoc he is able to wreak using said toy. His current favorites: a foam samurai sword and a playschool buggy that he crashes into everything.

- Here is a picture of him using his sword. Notice how his arm is twisted through his shirt in an odd way. If you should ever encounter him like this in the wild, it's best if you let him go on his way. It's usually a good indicator that he's about to enter "Godzilla" mode or "take off your pants and roar like a lion" mode.

- Miss Avery recently learned to sing her ABCs. She does a great job, for the most part, but struggles with the LMNOP in the middle. When she sings it, it sort of sounds like sh has a mouthful of oatmeal and doesn't want to let any fall out.

- Avery also loves to sing along with songs and prayers, but she isn't always sure of the right words. Instead, she sort of mumbles random sounds until she comes to a part she knows. It reminds me of drunk people singing along with "We didn't start the fire" or "It's the end of the world as we know it."

- At the end of the day, one thing is certain. Two year olds make the best snuggle partners.

Random Thoughts #18

Back with another blog after a long layoff, and once again a lot has changed since I had the time (and mental capacity) to write a blog. For the first time since 2007, I didn't have a classroom to prepare or lessons to plan. Now I'm getting a chance to experience the other side of the coin as a nursing student. The twins are at an age where the changes come so quickly I can hardly keep up. They are each developing very unique (and sometimes very frustrating) personalities, and it seems like they grow out of their clothes every few weeks. Amidst all of this change and chaos, I am incredibly thankful that I have such a wonderful family, especially my amazing wife. I couldn't imagine sharing this crazy circus with anyone else. Alright, on to the good stuff...

- When the school year started, I got a little sad seeing the buses run and thinking about not teaching anymore. That lasted until I went to my nephew's first football game. Up at the top of the stadium steps, there were some 4th or 5th grade boys being obnoxious in a way only 10 and 11 year old boys can, and it immediately cured me of the sentimental feelings. I will dearly miss the people I had the pleasure to work with, but I definitely don't regret giving it up.

- Grayson has reached that peculiar stage that a lot of young boys reach. It's known in some intellectual circles as the "take your pants off and roar like a lion" stage. Come to think of it, I have a few friends who never quite grew out of that stage.

- Avery has taken up nose picking as a hobby, and I can't for the life of me figure out where she got the idea that it was acceptable. It's not like her father was labeled NP (or Nicker, Nicker, the nose picker if you'd like to be crass) by his sisters. And it's not like someone talked about her father picking his nose during their graduation speech. It must come from her mother's side of the family.

- Both twins have recently developed a fierce sense of independence, and Miss Avery has quite the stubborn streak to go with it. Her pants might be on backwards, and her arm might be stuck through the head hole in her shirt, but darn it, she's going to dress herself.

- The twins drink bathwater. Not only do they drink it, but they act as though it tastes amazing. I can't decide if it really does taste good, or if they're just setting up a long con to get their father to taste their bathwater. At this point I'm tempted to have a sip to see what all the fuss is about.

 - We were at the park several weeks ago, and out of nowhere, Grayson started yelling "Oh shit!" repeatedly. I asked him where he had heard that, and he immediately responded "Grandma told me." It turns out he heard it on a monkey video he watched on YouTube, but I think we may have to have a talk about what happens to snitches.

- Both twins have developed a "dry cry," where they make the most over-the-top, obnoxious crying sounds, but no tears come out. They have an uncanny ability to appeal to any number of emotions to get what they want, and they're only two years old. At this rate, my brain will be a puddle of mush by the time they are in middle school.

- On a related note, no matter how angry or frustrated I am (we're talking Hulk-smash mad), a hug and kiss from either one of those wild animals and I am immediately pacified. They have broken me like a show pony.

- To get the twins to raise their hands while I take their shirt off, I started singing the chorus to "Party in the USA." As far as I can tell, it's one of the few positive contributions Miley Cyrus has made to society in quite some time.

- One of my crowing achievements of the last month is getting Grayson to reply to my "watch me whip" with "watch me Nae Nae." Once a teacher, always a teacher.

- When I tell people about the twins, sometimes I mention that we are in the midst of the "terrible twos." Things I want/expect to hear in response include:

• "That's too bad."
• "Oh man, I feel for you buddy." 
• "Yikes, I can't even imagine."
• "Oh boy."
• "Hang in there, champ."
• "It'll get better, I promise."

Instead, most people (especially other parents), say the two words I least want to hear: "Just wait."

- I drive a minivan, and I'm not even mad about it.