Random Thoughts #19

Back with another blog, this time after a much shorter turnaround. I've finally gotten back into the habit of writing things down as soon as they happen. If I don't, they get jumbled around in my head or lost altogether. Kids (and especially twins, I think) make your brain work in peculiar ways. Anyway, on to the good stuff.

- Grayson has a peculiar reaction when he gets overly excited. He clenches his fists, tenses his whole body, and sort of leans forward with his mouth open. We refer to these episodes as "excitement seizures." It's like he gets so excited that his body just shuts down and can't do anything but tense up.

- Living with two year olds means there is never a shortage of interesting conversations. Submitted without comment (these are separate conversations):
   
     Grayson (while sitting on the potty chair): "What's that?"
     Me: "That's your penis."
     Grayson: "Oh, I don't want that to fall off."
     Me: "You're absolutely right."
     Grayson: "You have one, too."
     Me: "Yup, sure do."
     Grayson: "You don't want that to fall off either."
     Me: "........."


     Avery (holding her doll, Amy): "Where's Amy?"
     Me: "You're holding her."
     Avery: "Oh. What are you doing?"
     Me: "I'm cooking supper."
     Avery: "Oh. Where's Amy?
     Me: "She's right there, in your hand."
     Avery: "Oh. What are you doing?"
     Me: "Cooking."
     Avery: "Oh. Where's Amy?"
     Me: "...incoherent mumbling..."

- We were eating supper the other night, and Grayson started smearing soup all over his face with his spoon. Grandma Jody asked him why he was doing that. His response: "Because my ears don't work."

- Grayson can go from playing quietly ans sharing with his sister to trashing the basement like Godzilla through Tokyo in a matter of seconds. It's like he temporarily loses his mind. The Y chromosome is a fickle beast.

- I remember back to before I had children, and I remember going to visit friends who had kids. I remember seeing their yards strewn with toys and thinking that they must either be lazy or just not care what their yards looked like. Boy was I a fool. On a good day, my yard looks like a used-toy junkyard, and on a bad day, it looks like a toy eating giant barfed all over the yard.

- There is a direct correlation between how much Grayson likes a toy and how much havoc he is able to wreak using said toy. His current favorites: a foam samurai sword and a playschool buggy that he crashes into everything.

- Here is a picture of him using his sword. Notice how his arm is twisted through his shirt in an odd way. If you should ever encounter him like this in the wild, it's best if you let him go on his way. It's usually a good indicator that he's about to enter "Godzilla" mode or "take off your pants and roar like a lion" mode.

- Miss Avery recently learned to sing her ABCs. She does a great job, for the most part, but struggles with the LMNOP in the middle. When she sings it, it sort of sounds like sh has a mouthful of oatmeal and doesn't want to let any fall out.

- Avery also loves to sing along with songs and prayers, but she isn't always sure of the right words. Instead, she sort of mumbles random sounds until she comes to a part she knows. It reminds me of drunk people singing along with "We didn't start the fire" or "It's the end of the world as we know it."

- At the end of the day, one thing is certain. Two year olds make the best snuggle partners.

Random Thoughts #18

Back with another blog after a long layoff, and once again a lot has changed since I had the time (and mental capacity) to write a blog. For the first time since 2007, I didn't have a classroom to prepare or lessons to plan. Now I'm getting a chance to experience the other side of the coin as a nursing student. The twins are at an age where the changes come so quickly I can hardly keep up. They are each developing very unique (and sometimes very frustrating) personalities, and it seems like they grow out of their clothes every few weeks. Amidst all of this change and chaos, I am incredibly thankful that I have such a wonderful family, especially my amazing wife. I couldn't imagine sharing this crazy circus with anyone else. Alright, on to the good stuff...

- When the school year started, I got a little sad seeing the buses run and thinking about not teaching anymore. That lasted until I went to my nephew's first football game. Up at the top of the stadium steps, there were some 4th or 5th grade boys being obnoxious in a way only 10 and 11 year old boys can, and it immediately cured me of the sentimental feelings. I will dearly miss the people I had the pleasure to work with, but I definitely don't regret giving it up.

- Grayson has reached that peculiar stage that a lot of young boys reach. It's known in some intellectual circles as the "take your pants off and roar like a lion" stage. Come to think of it, I have a few friends who never quite grew out of that stage.

- Avery has taken up nose picking as a hobby, and I can't for the life of me figure out where she got the idea that it was acceptable. It's not like her father was labeled NP (or Nicker, Nicker, the nose picker if you'd like to be crass) by his sisters. And it's not like someone talked about her father picking his nose during their graduation speech. It must come from her mother's side of the family.

- Both twins have recently developed a fierce sense of independence, and Miss Avery has quite the stubborn streak to go with it. Her pants might be on backwards, and her arm might be stuck through the head hole in her shirt, but darn it, she's going to dress herself.

- The twins drink bathwater. Not only do they drink it, but they act as though it tastes amazing. I can't decide if it really does taste good, or if they're just setting up a long con to get their father to taste their bathwater. At this point I'm tempted to have a sip to see what all the fuss is about.

 - We were at the park several weeks ago, and out of nowhere, Grayson started yelling "Oh shit!" repeatedly. I asked him where he had heard that, and he immediately responded "Grandma told me." It turns out he heard it on a monkey video he watched on YouTube, but I think we may have to have a talk about what happens to snitches.

- Both twins have developed a "dry cry," where they make the most over-the-top, obnoxious crying sounds, but no tears come out. They have an uncanny ability to appeal to any number of emotions to get what they want, and they're only two years old. At this rate, my brain will be a puddle of mush by the time they are in middle school.

- On a related note, no matter how angry or frustrated I am (we're talking Hulk-smash mad), a hug and kiss from either one of those wild animals and I am immediately pacified. They have broken me like a show pony.

- To get the twins to raise their hands while I take their shirt off, I started singing the chorus to "Party in the USA." As far as I can tell, it's one of the few positive contributions Miley Cyrus has made to society in quite some time.

- One of my crowing achievements of the last month is getting Grayson to reply to my "watch me whip" with "watch me Nae Nae." Once a teacher, always a teacher.

- When I tell people about the twins, sometimes I mention that we are in the midst of the "terrible twos." Things I want/expect to hear in response include:

• "That's too bad."
• "Oh man, I feel for you buddy." 
• "Yikes, I can't even imagine."
• "Oh boy."
• "Hang in there, champ."
• "It'll get better, I promise."

Instead, most people (especially other parents), say the two words I least want to hear: "Just wait."

- I drive a minivan, and I'm not even mad about it.

Random Thoughts #17

It's been over a year since my last post, and it has been quite the year. Family, work, and school have taken up a lot of my time, and I kept putting off blogging until I had some more free time. I have recently come to terms with the idea that that day may come for another 16 years, so I better just suck it up and write, so here goes nothing.

1. Someone once told me that living with a toddler is like having a drunk person in the house. If that is true (and I assume it is), having twin toddlers is like being the sober one at a bachelor/bachelorette party. I break up fights, make them put their clothes back on, stop them from climbing on things and jumping off, They eat at odd hours, cry and scream a lot, and you can't always be sure where or when they went to the bathroom.

2. Two year olds say some very entertaining things. When I smell dirty pants and ask Grayson if he pooped, his two go-to replies are "nope, just farts," or "it's Avery."

3. Avery will rarely pass up the opportunity to kick me directly in the face. She finds it hilarious that it makes me so mad.

4. Humans, by nature, have some very sensitive areas on their bodies: stomach, eyes, nose, toes, genitalia, etc. Toddler seem to know this innately, and aim their jumps, kicks, and swings to target these areas. I'm like Jean Claude Van Damme in Kickboxer, always ready to protect.

5. The twins run like they have no control of their upper limbs. Our backyard has a gentle slope, and every so often, while running down the slope, their top halves will get moving faster than their bottom halves, and they'll wipe out. When they do, it looks more like a skier falling than someone running. There are limbs and shoes flying everywhere, and they usually manage to hit face first.

6. Speaking of shoes...Grayson has some interesting taste in footwear. For about three months during the winter, his preferred look was one of Avery's light purple snow boots (the right one, to be exact) matched with whatever random shoe he happened to grab out of the closet. He finally gave it up when Aunt Leslie and Uncle Lance got him a pair of cowboy boots for his birthday.

7. We are in the beginning stages of potty training. Avery has excellent enthusiasm, but her timing could use some work. She does pretty well letting us know when she has to go potty, but with poop, it's a total crap shoot, both literally and metaphorically. It's just as likely to end up in the bathtub or on the bathroom floor as it is in the potty chair.

8. One of Grayson's favorite things to do outside is throw a ball over the fence and laugh while someone goes to get it. Several weeks ago, he was carrying around a full-size soccer ball and decided he would try it. He took a running start, threw the ball, and it hit about halfway up the fence and bounced right back and hit him in the face. It dropped him like a ton of bricks. I was in the middle of a nasty respiratory infection, and I nearly passed out from laughing/coughing so hard.

9. In my early blogs, my propensity for getting hit with the twins' bodily fluids was a common theme. I am happy to say that I have not been peed on, pooped on, or puked on in about a year.

10. One steadfast rule of parenting: never trust a quiet toddler. The other day, we were watching TV downstairs, and Grayson wandered upstairs. I didn't really take much notice until I couldn't hear him anymore. I ran upstairs, and I found Mr. Grayson up on the counter, helping himself to a sucker. He was extremely please with himself.

11. It is absolutely amazing how quickly young children adapt to technology. Last week, Grayson plopped down in my lap, took my phone, and told me he would "watch horsey videos on YouTube."

12. Miss Avery has a wonderful habit of repeating things I say to her when I am mad. It started off with her yelling "No, no, no, Daddy!" while shaking her finger at me. Recently, she has added some larger phrases. When I wouldn't let her out of her booster seat, she told me she would put me in timeout and give me a spanking. Also, she lets Grayson know when she isn't happy with him by yelling "Stop doing that, Grayson!"

13. I have forgotten what it feels like to be bored. Toddlers are the human embodiment of Parkinson's Law. The job of parenting will always expand to fill the voids and free time in our lives, and I ouldn't be happier about it, even if I get a little grumpy about it sometimes.