- When the school year started, I got a little sad seeing the buses run and thinking about not teaching anymore. That lasted until I went to my nephew's first football game. Up at the top of the stadium steps, there were some 4th or 5th grade boys being obnoxious in a way only 10 and 11 year old boys can, and it immediately cured me of the sentimental feelings. I will dearly miss the people I had the pleasure to work with, but I definitely don't regret giving it up.
- Grayson has reached that peculiar stage that a lot of young boys reach. It's known in some intellectual circles as the "take your pants off and roar like a lion" stage. Come to think of it, I have a few friends who never quite grew out of that stage.
- Avery has taken up nose picking as a hobby, and I can't for the life of me figure out where she got the idea that it was acceptable. It's not like her father was labeled NP (or Nicker, Nicker, the nose picker if you'd like to be crass) by his sisters. And it's not like someone talked about her father picking his nose during their graduation speech. It must come from her mother's side of the family.
- Both twins have recently developed a fierce sense of independence, and Miss Avery has quite the stubborn streak to go with it. Her pants might be on backwards, and her arm might be stuck through the head hole in her shirt, but darn it, she's going to dress herself.
- The twins drink bathwater. Not only do they drink it, but they act as though it tastes amazing. I can't decide if it really does taste good, or if they're just setting up a long con to get their father to taste their bathwater. At this point I'm tempted to have a sip to see what all the fuss is about.
- We were at the park several weeks ago, and out of nowhere, Grayson started yelling "Oh shit!" repeatedly. I asked him where he had heard that, and he immediately responded "Grandma told me." It turns out he heard it on a monkey video he watched on YouTube, but I think we may have to have a talk about what happens to snitches.
- Both twins have developed a "dry cry," where they make the most over-the-top, obnoxious crying sounds, but no tears come out. They have an uncanny ability to appeal to any number of emotions to get what they want, and they're only two years old. At this rate, my brain will be a puddle of mush by the time they are in middle school.
- On a related note, no matter how angry or frustrated I am (we're talking Hulk-smash mad), a hug and kiss from either one of those wild animals and I am immediately pacified. They have broken me like a show pony.
- To get the twins to raise their hands while I take their shirt off, I started singing the chorus to "Party in the USA." As far as I can tell, it's one of the few positive contributions Miley Cyrus has made to society in quite some time.
- One of my crowing achievements of the last month is getting Grayson to reply to my "watch me whip" with "watch me Nae Nae." Once a teacher, always a teacher.
- When I tell people about the twins, sometimes I mention that we are in the midst of the "terrible twos." Things I want/expect to hear in response include:
- "That's too bad."
- "Oh man, I feel for you buddy."
- "Yikes, I can't even imagine."
- "Oh boy."
- "Hang in there, champ."
- "It'll get better, I promise."
Instead, most people (especially other parents), say the two words I least want to hear: "Just wait."
- I drive a minivan, and I'm not even mad about it.
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