Random Thoughts #17

It's been over a year since my last post, and it has been quite the year. Family, work, and school have taken up a lot of my time, and I kept putting off blogging until I had some more free time. I have recently come to terms with the idea that that day may come for another 16 years, so I better just suck it up and write, so here goes nothing.

1. Someone once told me that living with a toddler is like having a drunk person in the house. If that is true (and I assume it is), having twin toddlers is like being the sober one at a bachelor/bachelorette party. I break up fights, make them put their clothes back on, stop them from climbing on things and jumping off, They eat at odd hours, cry and scream a lot, and you can't always be sure where or when they went to the bathroom.

2. Two year olds say some very entertaining things. When I smell dirty pants and ask Grayson if he pooped, his two go-to replies are "nope, just farts," or "it's Avery."

3. Avery will rarely pass up the opportunity to kick me directly in the face. She finds it hilarious that it makes me so mad.

4. Humans, by nature, have some very sensitive areas on their bodies: stomach, eyes, nose, toes, genitalia, etc. Toddler seem to know this innately, and aim their jumps, kicks, and swings to target these areas. I'm like Jean Claude Van Damme in Kickboxer, always ready to protect.

5. The twins run like they have no control of their upper limbs. Our backyard has a gentle slope, and every so often, while running down the slope, their top halves will get moving faster than their bottom halves, and they'll wipe out. When they do, it looks more like a skier falling than someone running. There are limbs and shoes flying everywhere, and they usually manage to hit face first.

6. Speaking of shoes...Grayson has some interesting taste in footwear. For about three months during the winter, his preferred look was one of Avery's light purple snow boots (the right one, to be exact) matched with whatever random shoe he happened to grab out of the closet. He finally gave it up when Aunt Leslie and Uncle Lance got him a pair of cowboy boots for his birthday.

7. We are in the beginning stages of potty training. Avery has excellent enthusiasm, but her timing could use some work. She does pretty well letting us know when she has to go potty, but with poop, it's a total crap shoot, both literally and metaphorically. It's just as likely to end up in the bathtub or on the bathroom floor as it is in the potty chair.

8. One of Grayson's favorite things to do outside is throw a ball over the fence and laugh while someone goes to get it. Several weeks ago, he was carrying around a full-size soccer ball and decided he would try it. He took a running start, threw the ball, and it hit about halfway up the fence and bounced right back and hit him in the face. It dropped him like a ton of bricks. I was in the middle of a nasty respiratory infection, and I nearly passed out from laughing/coughing so hard.

9. In my early blogs, my propensity for getting hit with the twins' bodily fluids was a common theme. I am happy to say that I have not been peed on, pooped on, or puked on in about a year.

10. One steadfast rule of parenting: never trust a quiet toddler. The other day, we were watching TV downstairs, and Grayson wandered upstairs. I didn't really take much notice until I couldn't hear him anymore. I ran upstairs, and I found Mr. Grayson up on the counter, helping himself to a sucker. He was extremely please with himself.

11. It is absolutely amazing how quickly young children adapt to technology. Last week, Grayson plopped down in my lap, took my phone, and told me he would "watch horsey videos on YouTube."

12. Miss Avery has a wonderful habit of repeating things I say to her when I am mad. It started off with her yelling "No, no, no, Daddy!" while shaking her finger at me. Recently, she has added some larger phrases. When I wouldn't let her out of her booster seat, she told me she would put me in timeout and give me a spanking. Also, she lets Grayson know when she isn't happy with him by yelling "Stop doing that, Grayson!"

13. I have forgotten what it feels like to be bored. Toddlers are the human embodiment of Parkinson's Law. The job of parenting will always expand to fill the voids and free time in our lives, and I ouldn't be happier about it, even if I get a little grumpy about it sometimes.

Random Thoughts #16

My oh my, how time does fly when you have children. Tracy and I were talking about how quickly time has passed lately, and she mentioned my blog. I've been so busy with babies, work, and school that I haven't given even a moment's thought to the blog. I blinked and a month and a half just vanished. Yikes. Thankfully that time has given me plenty of new material, so here we go with some more random thoughts. 

- The twins have started to play together. They even play a game. It goes something like this: Avery finds a toy she likes and begins playing with it or chewing on it. Almost immediately, from wherever in the room he happens to be, Grayson rushes over, rips the toy out of her hand, and beats her over the head with it. Avery cries, Grayson laughs like it's the funniest thing ever, and everyone has a great time. 

- Did I mention chewing? the teeth have started to come, and they haven't stopped. It's like having two Rottweiler puppies in the house (just slightly less destructive). They chew on EVERYTHING. Shoes, furniture, toys, my hair, each other...all fair game. 

- They have also discovered stairs, and they can't seem to stay away. Going up is a snap. Going down...not so much. A couple of weeks a go, both twins went down the stairs head over heels within 24 hours. Their father also took a tumble down the stairs that weekend (while holding Avery). Luckily, I went down the whole way on my tush. If you were taking bets on the only family member to NOT fall down the stairs, I think my wife would have been quite the long shot to win. But such is life with twins. 

- In a span of two months, my lovable, sweet boys has turned into a monster (I say that in the most loving way). He spent the first eight months of his life patiently watching, smiling, and giggling. He has spent the last two months tearing into anything he can and screaming at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get what he wants. Someone angered Bruce, and it looks like the Hulk might be here for a while. 

- For Christmas, the twins got approximately 729 new toys, most of which require batteries and make some sort of irritating noise. All of this wonderful technology, and what did they want to play with? The wrapping paper and bows.

- On a similar note, our house is now filled with toys. There are toys everywhere. There are dozens of things to entertain these children, and still their absolute favorite thing to do is empty all of the stuff our of the diaper "station" we have in the living room. It's been emptied and filled at least 200 times in the last 2 months. 

- Just this morning, after giving Avery her bottle, I decided I'd change her in my lap. The lights were off, and visibility was not great, so I was basically doing it by feel. As I was taking the old diaper off, I heard something drop on the couch. I figured it was her pacifier, so I reached to grab it. Instead of a pacifier, I got a big old handful of turd. Just how I wanted to start my Thursday morning.